4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
