A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
