Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need moral support for this bender
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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