I wish my penis had an off switch
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
