hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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