If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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