My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
