i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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