It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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