She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
