she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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