I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
