Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
