Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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