Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just had sex bonerless
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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