is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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