this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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