I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This house was built for laser tag.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
