YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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