She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
