it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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