God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
