There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize