My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
