PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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