I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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