I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
