I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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