I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize