About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
