I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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