He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
