What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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