Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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