I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
