what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
