We're facebook friends in real life
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
