So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
