hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
