awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
