fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
