I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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