hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
