got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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