dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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