hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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