first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize