I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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