I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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