thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
