these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
