and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
