the condom got lost in my hair
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
