he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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