I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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