i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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