Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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