OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
