me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
